Prissy Girl's Guide to NFL Playoffs 2013

Is there more to American football than beefy guys in tights? Lets find out!



Squeeze. Squeeze. Squeeze. Squeeze.



Squeeze squeeze!

 



Squeeze!

Squeeze!

Mini squeeze

 

Squeeeeeeeeeeeeze!

Double squeeze.

Plop.



I could post these pics all day long, but alas, there is content. Now that the National Football League has come up for air from a floundering start to the season, the playoffs are in full swing and a sight to see among other things... By now the hardcore football fans show up and mostly show-off their knowledge of stats and how they think the playoffs will play out. To help us Prissy Girl's feel like we're not in ancient Sumeria, here is a (hopefully) comprehensive guide to the NFL Playoffs of 2013.

Here is where it all blossoms from.

For one, it's always a trip to have the playoffs at the beginning of a new year. I had to switch up the thought process and realize, yes, the NFL Playoffs begin with the new year even though the regular season was the previous year. Gotcha. No Problem. But what does "seed" mean? Perhaps I should start from the beginning.

Sumerian cuneiform  for "Superbowl"

The American NFL is compiled of 32 teams. These 32 teams battle it out to win the coveted Superbowl Championship title and a huge ass diamond ring the size of my big toe. The teams are broken up into two sets of 16. These are called conferences. Cleverly, they are named American Football Conference (AFC for short) and National Football Conference (NFC).

I thought the answer was 42?

 Each conference is then even futher apportioned into 4 divisions. These divisions are dubbed North, South, East, and West to keep everything less confusing. Keeping with lucky number 4, the 16 teams in the conference are evenly distributed to each division so a total of 4 teams are in either the North division, South division, East and West.  Usually the teams are put in a division that matches where they play regionally.

Regional hate has never looked so beautiful.

After the regular season, 12 teams from the entire NFL have proven themselves to be the better players and proceed to eliminate each other one by one until the last tightly clad team standing is declared the victor. To be one of these 12 teams, you must be the winner of your division.

"Winning is everything." - Feline Marshall

Six teams from each conference (AFC and NFC) are selected to make up the lucky 12. Since there are four divisions in each conference, the leaders of each divisions get an automatic spot in the playoffs. Then, each of the teams are ranked based on percentages and this ranking is called "seeding." This can be sticky as if there are two really great teams in the same division, only one gets to go, but with the "wild card" rule, both may get a chance to compete in the superbowl.  With 4 playoff spots already claimed by the leaders of each division, the next two teams with a valuable win-loss record get to be in the playoffs.

Kings. They're WILD!

Now, here comes the fun part. The teams battle it out bracket style in a winner take all elimination. The first weekend is dubbed "Wild Card" weekend in which the wild card ticket holders compete against the 3rd and 4th seeds. The winner of these games then go against the 1st and 2nd seed for a place in the conference championship. The two remaining teams in the conference hike, punt, pass and tackle their way to win the conference title.

Each conference follows the  same structure with two teams left in the NFL, but only one can win. In struts the Superbowl. In all of it's commercial and half-time glory, the Superbolw has remained the staple of winter joy in America. A fat man in a jolly red suit doesn't even stack up to the tight-wearing athletes and hard hitting joy.

This won't go down easy.

So far the playoffs have been surprising, heart breaking and knightly. I can only expect the same from the "big-game." I might snek in a few hot wings and nachos. For some extra entertainment, this years half time show is courtesy of Beyonce (post Blue Ivy) as well as some very funny commercials. Regardless, us Prissy Girl's can have a great time watching the game even without understaing how the teams got there.  Check the links below for some funny superbowl commercials.

Face-a-licious.

Who could forget the PuppyBowl:

Coming Soon: Prissy Girl's Guide to the International Auto Show 2013